Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
