Banned from zoo.
Again?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just forgot I was standing up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
