okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
there is glitter all over my balls
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
