Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
