It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
