she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need to align my fucking chakras
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
