Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
