the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
