he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
