break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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