walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
