is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
