he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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