I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
