they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
