How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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