Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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