she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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