We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
