Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
