Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
