arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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