I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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