I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
