Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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