If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
