It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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