You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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