ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He better not be in your backpack
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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