Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
