Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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