How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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