that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
