3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
