i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
