I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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