South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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