My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
