my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
