Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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