the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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