i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
