he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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