When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
