I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
