Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
