I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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