so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
