Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
