D3 body, D1 cock
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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