Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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